i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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