if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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