so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
