how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
time to smoke my breakfast
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
