Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
