it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
