im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
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I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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