I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
