this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just gargled with NyQuil
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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