I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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