Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize