Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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