why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
