even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
