Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
