The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
