lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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