Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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