i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
