True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
