so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
