you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
