I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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