6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Randomize
