I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
