So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
