nutella sex= disaster
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
