I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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