I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
