I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
