You're completely useless in the revolution.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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