I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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