based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
