If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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