Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
only you would photoshop your dick
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
