Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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