tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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