They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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