i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
