His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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