I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
