Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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