Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
