I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
