How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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