Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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