You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
