I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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