Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
