I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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