can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
