I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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