I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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