Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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