Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This baby is an asshole
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
