We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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