I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
