I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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