Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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