we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
