I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm at about main and main street
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
