I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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