There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
