The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
