you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
