I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
