I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
