Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
