I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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