Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
