did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
People in love make me want to vomit
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
