i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
