Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
