As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
