I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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